10 Years ~ A Decade

 10 years is a long time ... but decade seems even longer.

It's been almost 2 years I think, since I last posted. Where the heck does time go?

There's again so much to say, perhaps if I'd post a little more often, there'd be less to say! 

A decade of changes: my spouse died, my Poppie died, Doug's cat died, I changed jobs 3 times ~ Lake Mills Chamber Development Director, Branch Manager at Citizen's Community Credit Union, and currently working for Charles City Aeronautics; I've moved from my beloved Lake Mills and all my friends; I have 2 daughters-in-law, I have 2 grandsons, 1 granddaughter, I've lost 2 grand dogs, I have a new grand dog, a grand cat; I started dating, got engaged, got married last September 18, have 3 bonus daughters, 1 bonus son, 1 bonus grandson, 2 bonus grand dogs; I moved to a new, but old, house; my sister was very ill for a very long time, the other sister moved to Florida, my bother keeps care of his ranch; I've started to travel and have the travel bug; went on my first cruise, just visited Michigan, and I turned 60 :( 

Today, ten years ago, we said good-bye, face to face, for the last time. We stood outside and sang Jesus Loves Me and Amazing Grace, Kandie and Bill leading us, as the hearse pulled away from Salem Lutheran Church. Today 10 years ago, Nolan's fraternity brothers circled Nolan and I, they sang something and they spoke words in honor of Doug. Today 10 years ago, Jim Scholbrock and Daryl Sherman, stood in a choir loft and sang, "It Is Well With My Soul," while by brother-in-law, Bill Georgia, pounded out his grief at the piano accompanying them. Today 10 years ago, it took a trailer, some dear friends, to haul all of the flowers from the church to my home. Today 10 years ago, my niece, Emily Georgia, stood guard near me, elbowing out and moving people right along as we stood in line before the service. Today 10 years ago, I walked to my back door and saw the handsome face of Uncle Floyd, and his beautiful daughters, I turned around and walked back in my house, I couldn't face the truth. 

Ten years ago today I walked downstairs to the beautiful lunch of Jello Cake, sandwiches and chips, prepared and served by Silver Lake ladies and Salem ladies, and I saw Ron Ronken, he drove from northern Minnesota, to be with my family. Ten years ago today, I remember a conversation in the basement stairwell with Jim Scholbrock, he told me they had not made it through the songs in practice even once without a struggle, I told him, don't think just count and sing. And truly, that music those 3 men made, was like the Holy Spirit washing over me ... It IS well with my soul ... words from heaven.

Ten years ago this week, I remember having to wake up my Nolan, my brother Donnie was at the house, having heard it on the scanner. Nolan left my side only after my sisters and Joan had arrived. Nolan, beside me, I dialed April ... she ghosted me, I called her friend Lindsay, told Lindsay what had happened and made her promise to take care of my daughter, April called back. I dialed Brandon, he was in Arizona on a business trip, driving down the freeway, telling his driver to stop the car. those two had to hold it together for most of the day, to get home. Brandon's fiancé, Blair, and her mother met him at the airport, and then he and Blair drove to Iowa from Omaha. My three pillars, broken-hearted, spinning, took such good care of me, and I hope I of them. 

I remember Nathan Chodur sitting in my living room with his sister, their faces white with sadness. I remember one of Doug's dearest friends, Dave, kneeling at the chair I was sitting in, wondering, "What can I do?" His wife, Lori, standing by the colonnade, tears running as she witnessed the heartbreak of her husband and friend. I remember the face of Rachel Ringham, kneeling by the sofa or chair, holding my hands, her face filled with disbelief, her forehead leaning on mine, repeating, "I am so sorry." 

I remember walking to the Funeral Home on Thursday to make plans, the three kids and I, the weather was amazing. I remember waking up on Thursday and Friday morning, 10 or 12 coolers lining the back of my house, filled with water, pop, beer, and it never got empty, the elves of Lake Mills, doing what small town America does best, take care of it's own. I remember Doug and Rhonda Harmon, speechless, but a Doug hug, tight and loving ... I still get those Doug hugs, whenever our paths cross.

Ten years ago today, Jenny, Leif, and family, stuck around, helping with dinner, helping with garbage, opening cards ... Doug's and my adopted son, Brandon's brother from another mother. I remember my questions as we sat in those first hours, waiting for things to happen, asking questions and my sister,  Deb, taking on a stern tone, setting me straight. I remember Suzi, Brooke and Kali, with baby Paisley,  coming to the house, and Kali and Paisley, giving my Dad some peace and a reminder of new life. I remember my sister, Barb, feeling so helpless, so lost, worried about her little sister. 

Ten years ago ... my fridge was so full, we set up a 3 x 8 foot buffet table for food, and we were blessed, so very blessed. Ten years ago this week, my dear friend Joan, was at my side, sitting with me when I napped, hugging me close, and always showing her beautiful smile, I clung to that smile ... it was such strength to me. I remember when her husband arrived, I walked to the kitchen to get something, and there he was in the doorway, his head in his arm ... I looked at him and walked away. I just couldn't. I remember days later, standing with his dear friend Scott Bosacker, and we talked about his calendar, and he had written successful beside Doug's name on May 9th. It's how he thought of Doug.

10 years ago today, the kids and I walked home from the funeral, it was around 3, and one thing had not changed. We were still family, a family ... we missed him already, but I kept thinking, he'd be so proud of us. Doug's buttons always popped when he spoke of his kids, and as he looked down from heaven, I know he missed us, but I also know that he knew we'd be ok, we'd be good, we'd be successful, we'd find our way. 

10 years ago today ... Pam's "funeral" turkey, Kari sitting on the picnic table with me, Jeff Cole's southern drawl, Tyson arriving to sit with is "brother", Lyndsey driving April home, Kevin and Cheryl coming from Indianola to hug us and then go home, Pastor Bill, Pastor Randy, Bart Winter having the organist play "Take Me Out To the Ballgame" as people left the funeral, hearing "Peaceful Easy Feeling" as we walked out, cards, gifts, memorials, food, Cindy telling me to take the med my sister was giving me, lighting the bonfire ... 10 years ... I have another entire page of people and memories, these were the ones that popped into my head as I was rambling on. You are not forgotten ... you saved us ... you helped us to breathe when it was our darkest moment.

And today ... as I celebrate Doug, I am reminded of the hurt, the paid, the sadness, but I am also reminded of his gift of love, strength, humor, kindness, generosity, friendship, honesty, tinkering, fixing, and I know he's still with me today ... All I have to do is look at his sons and daughter ... they are Dougie Fresh, Zobes, Guod Leboz,  and Dad! They are very successful and when we are together, we laugh at the Dad things that come out of their mouths, we tease Nolan and Brandon, about their shop and "I can fix that" attitude.

Today ... 10 years after laying my amazing husband to rest ... I still celebrate his life, our life, and our family's life. We were so very blessed to call him ours. Ten years ago our hearts broke, but time heals, and now we have scars, beautiful scars of strong, abiding love, to remind each of us of Doug. 

Until soon,
Vickie