Things & Stuff

I miss writing!

I miss sharing!

Since the last post in 2022 ... I have a new grandson, a new beautiful home in Ankeny, IA, I've traveled some more, and I am blessed. 

For the past soon to be 12 years in May, I have used the word blessed ... on our darkest day, I was blessed by family and friends. Over the last 12 years, I have been blessed. I've had conversations with many who wonder at how me and mine are doing. I have had numerous comments about how I've handled life "after", about continuing to find blessings each and every day. 

Recently, I have had conversations about God's role in the last 12 years. And just like all of the other milestones and or steps in this journey I've been on, I think I need to tap out some thoughts, let it all ruminate.

As most of you know, I was blessed to serve as a Lay Preacher for One In Christ, area churches, and in my last two years in Lake Mills, as a Lay Preacher for Bethel Lutheran in Vinje. Doug was my constant companion and driver when I started preaching. He told me once, that listening to me each Sunday, made him understand "God" a whole lot more.  

A couple weeks after Doug's death, Pastor Bill and I had a long chat about returning to the pulpit, and how vulnerable I might feel, and was I ready. I told him I was very ready, and he asked if I could preach the first or second weekend in June I think it was, just a month after our loss. I said, "Of course!" He sent me the lessons and prayers, as was our usual routine, and I called or emailed back ... "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" It was the story of the widow walking in the funeral procession of her son. I DID IT ... and I did it with the strength of God within me. I preached 6 or 7 years after Doug died, I spoke at the hospice Tree of Life ceremonies and Butterfly release ceremonies ... and I've shared my journey along the way. 

Did I question faith and God ... oh my gosh ... YESSSSSSSSSSS ... Seriously, with all the scum of the earth kinds of people in the world, why would you choose to take an amazing father and husband, a pillar in his community. If God is all caring, all knowing, and all powerful, why, why would he let the firing pin work when it did and take the life of our Doug. If God was our father, he would know how much we loved Doug and how lost we'd be without our husband and dad .... friend, supervisor, fan, brother, brother-in-law. How on earth can a loving God let this happen ... THOSE are just a few questions that ran through my heart and mind. 

Here's what I know ... 

• I believe in my heart of hearts, that God and his Son, Jesus, shed the first tears as they held my Doug, that morning. 
  
• I believe that accidents happen, really bad, shitty accidents.
• I believe that God promises that there will be a place for each of us beside Him. 
• I firmly believe, "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper and not harm, plans to give you hope and a future ..." Jeremiah 29:11. Those words have been like a mantra for me when my faith wavered.
• I believe that God held us as we sat in a funeral home, looking Bart Winter in the face, as he told us that funerals are expensive, and we planned, and I realized the life insurance wasn't going to last the rest of my life. 
• I know, that not only each of my kids kept me up right during visitation, but I know that God surrounded us. As 3 to 4 hundred people walked past just to hug us, to say Good-Bye to their Doug, God gave us the strength to feel embraced and loved and gave us the power to make those present feel comforted. 
• I believe in God, because without that to lean on. Doug is just in the ground, he's just dead. Without that belief, I'm just damn mad. Without God, the peace which surpasses all human understanding is just empty space. As Daryl and Jim sang the words, "It is well, it is well, with my soul." with pain in their face, with passion in their voices ... there was a peace that washed over me in that Church. Something reached out to me, reached within me, to say, you are going to be alright. 
• Without faith ... where do you turn on your dark days? Who do you blame for your loss? Who do you trust with your secrets and wonders? Faith ... believing without seeing, believing without touching, believing without proof, believing without science ... it's hard, but it's real, so very, very real. How do I know ... because I've felt it, seen it, and know it, for the Bible tells me so.

Zobel Family Vacation
2022 - Branson, MO

I truly do feel blessed. My kids trust me enough to live a life with Bill, trust me enough to confide in me and let me be their momma. My kids make it a priority to plan a Zobel family vacation each year, in lieu of gifts at Christmas. My kids are so successful, it makes me feel giddy as I watch their dreams come true. And I believe it is their hard work, but it is also by the Grace of God that they are so very blessed in their lives, sharing that blessing to all those around them. Dang I am blessed :)  

                Until Soon,

                Vickie