The title for this post has been running through my head this week. As each day I try so very hard to find peace, joy or blessings. I think that some days it would be far easier to just pout, sit and stew and embrace the sadness that overcomes us at the strangest times. One day I decided to think about all the things that I HAVE, to count my blessings and these are some things that I pondered on:
I have not got a husband any longer, but I HAVE the most amazing gifts from that man ... our three children. We have not been able to say that there is great joy in our lives, but WE HAVE found joy in little moments, like a new girlfriend, a trip to Portland, new vehicles, or the most simple, best memory of my almost two week vacation to see all three kids this past month ... I got to lay in bed and HAVE slumber parties with each of my kids. I would go to bed, and one or two would come and lay with me and we'd just talk, they'd bid me good night, give me a strong hug and go off to bed ... I treasure those moments.
I have not got my kids close by, but I HAVE a great family. I HAVE my oldest sister who is my traffic helicopter, she was in BlackHawk down mode the first 2 weeks, swooping in and taking out anyone who was a "danger" to her sissy, and now she just hovers and makes sure that there aren't any "snags". I HAVE a brother-in-law who's a hero and takes care of dead bats and putting up locks. I HAVE my older sister who calls, takes care of my house, cats and plants when I'm away, and is always there. I HAVE my older brother who is more than willing to mow, if only we'd get some rain :(
I have not figured out my new normal, but I HAVE been blessed with the most amazing group of people on the planet. This small town that we often complain about, "knowing everyone's business", has some of the most giving people that I could imagine. Truly supporting and loving me in the absence of my kids. I'd list all that they do, but the list is endless.
I have not figured out God's plan, but I HAVE felt his love and presence. When I sat at the funeral of John Larson, I again wondered why. I watched the deep sadness of those surrounding me and I wondered how can this happen, how could there be so much sadness. Then I remembered God's promise, he didn't promise a life without pain, but he did promise to be with me, to carry me through, no matter what comes my way. He promised that I'd never be alone ...
I have not figured out what's next, but I HAVE realized that each day brings more strength, I HAVE a stronger ability to move forward, and I HAVE a future, even thought I must be patient. I do know that God has a plan for me, plans to prosper and not harm ... and I grip that lifeline with all my might.
To be totally honest, my brain is like a pin ball in a rattling machine. This is where my thoughts are tonight:
- I wish that I had known week 10 and 11 were going to be this hard, the tears are never far
- Phone calls, texts, facebook messages, and cards ... I HAVE been blessed with it all and it truly soothes my soul
- I HAVE been back at the sewing machine ... it has felt so good to quilt and I missed it
- I HAVE enjoyed and felt empowered by doing my own lawn, doing big projects that Doug and I had planned
- It felt good just 8 words ago to say his name
- I HAVE returned to some Lay Preaching and it has been a blessing
- I HAVE the dress for the wedding ... YAY!!!
- I HAVE gone to the first of a few bridal showers for Brandon and Blair
- I HAVE a daddy, and that is such a bonus, but he needs our prayers as he fights some big old bleeding ulcers
- I miss Doug ... his laughter, his infectious smile, his ability to fix anything, his chatter about hits kids, his snoring, his mere presence and his love. On my 51st birthday a few weeks ago, I thought about "parking" with him on my 16th birthday ... 34 years of birthdays with him wasn't quite enough.
until soon,
vic
As a single woman, there is no "normal." Instead there is "one day at a time." The only normal is constant change. Having gratitude for the "haves" is helpful, but so is grieving. Nobody expects you to be joyful; you have much, but have lost much. We think we will never figure out God's plan, but we search in vain without realizing his plan for humans is for us to worship him. That's it, nothing else. Yes, there is more, but not for us to do or worry about. He works out the rest. Anything Satan does for harm, God works out for the good of us who love him, maybe not even while we are on earth, but when we get to heaven. ...Love Ya Girl. Parking at 16? Thought you were older than that.
ReplyDeletePS at 16 I thought we were still dating the Swan twins (T&J). :>)
DeleteThe Swans were a great introduction into the older "teen scene" ... I had such "Mellow Days" and the "Easy Nights" were great! Smiles!
DeleteYou are amazing Vicki, you teach us, you humble us, and you inspire us.
ReplyDeleteWhat an uplifting perspective from a great person! I have not been through what you have and I can imagine the thoughts and feelings that flood your mind and heart everyday could be very overwhelming at times. Knowing God is with us and has a plan for each and every one of us brings peace of mind. When we count our blessings and as difficult as it may be at times, change our perspective, God will heal and bring joy. I respect you and your desire to overcome sadness and feelings of defeat with joy and passion. Truly inspiring!
ReplyDelete-Brandon Flugum
You Have everyone in Facility Services voting for you for president cuz YOU Rock!!! Thanks for the candy
ReplyDeleteVickie, you made me cry....your words are so honest, loving and faithful. Broken hearts heal but there is a scar that remains, so that you never forget how precious life is and how priceless the memories that you cling to are in the struggle to get through the next week, hour or minute...may God continue to comfort you on this difficult journey.....you are in my thoughts and prayers....
ReplyDeleteVickie...you are so near and dear to our hearts. I know God has great plans for you. I wish I could take the pain away...hugs to you. Thank-you for the words of faith...I have said it before God's love shines through you.
ReplyDelete