Eleven Months

Eleven Months ... tomorrow marks eleven months of change, upheaval, sadness, terror, heart break, and unimaginable grief. As you know, if you've followed my blog at all ... I've shared my fair share of grief, sadness, tears, accomplishments and heartbreak. You also know that I'm a bit of a list maker, and my fumbled up brain is back and lists might be the best route to go with this blog.

Moments that drew me breathless:

• Sitting at the Lion King, tears streaming down my face (and I'm talking the opening notes) with all my kids, knowing that Doug would have LOVED being there with us ... and HELLOOOOOOOOOO ... the Dad dies in the Lion King ... not like any of us were any too dry-eyed
• Walking up to the house tonight after work, hearing the shrill of a cardinal, just as I was thinking about how much I wished Doug were waiting for me at home to talk about my day and knowing he'd be so proud
• Sitting on the back patio of Brandon's first home ... getting ready for the first spring bonfire ... rendering me an emotional puddle ... again, the joy that Doug would have had ...
• Sitting in church on Easter morning ... remembering that I had served Doug communion one year ago ... his last Holy Communion, served by me, the love of his life, beside the loves of his life, his kids.

BUT ... tomorrow as we think about the last 11 months ... I'm going to try and celebrate the joys, accomplishments, and triumphs like:

• Brandon and Blair - married, employed, happy, and in their very first home they own with a sweet little Callie, a pup that you just can't help loving.
• April taking names and kicking ass in a new job she loves, in an apartment she enjoys and loving little Lena, her sweet dog that makes her happy
• Nolan moved to Ankeny with the help of amazing friends! Loving his new job, his new apartment and being able to date his girl :) Also helps that he's just one hour 45 minutes from mom!
• Me ...
• New Job
• Weight Loss
• Not broke (yet)
• Sleeping well
• Moving forward (most days)
• Laughter - in each day
• Having more good days than bad
• So very blessed with some amazing friends who love me, take care of me, and keep me on track.
• Siblings ... who most days I am blessed to have in my life :)

Whew ... when you look back on those lists of accomplishments or blessings ... it's not been so bad at all! So I ask you ... tomorrow, at 8:30 a.m. ... as I pause for a moment ... and remember that 11 months ago my life changed in ways that I never imagined ...will you pause too, and think of Vickie, Brandon, Blair, April, and Nolan .. Because I will pause for a moment ...  and I don't promise there won't be tears ... but through the tears I will celebrate life ... for his life is worthy to remember, his life is worthy of our time, his life changed us all and he would want us to laugh, and smile, and reach out to a stranger in friendship, and always move forward. Doug would wipe our tears and then say something to make us smile.

So please, celebrate a life well lived tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. and know that as you continue to lift me and mine up in prayer ... we feel that strength as we face each new day without Doug in it.

Until soon,
vic