It's been almost a month since I've been here. Not sure what to say. Perhaps just phrases ... perhaps it will make sense ... perhaps it will clear my mind, and the rest will follow.
Overwhelmed!
In a dark place ...
Tears streaming down my face.
Tired of feeling tired.
Sadness beyond measure some days.
Losing my daddy a little bit at a time.
Feeling strong.
Carrying my share of the load.
Blessed beyond measure with support and love.
Miss the laughter of my kids.
New job, great commute, exciting change, feeling like I'm in the ocean, sink or swim.
Meltdown as the sewer backed up tonight.
Three steps forward, two steps back.
Wish I was a drinking woman :)
Miss someone snoring on the sofa.
Miss how Doug would listen and quietly tell me what I didn't want to hear, but make me hear it.
Tears turn to racking sobs.
Sobs turn to begging God to let me have him back.
My tree is naked, not sure when it will sparkle.
The lights are up outside, but they just don't seem to have the same sparkle as last year.
Need some bows or something pretty outside
Piles of stuff everywhere ... are we worried I'll be a hoarder yet?
Time to pack away cards and plaques and things ...
Dark place, I can see a glimmer at the end of this cold tunnel.
Lonesome.
Miss the intimate touch of someone who adores me. Holding hands, putting cold feet between his calves.
Enjoying a little online Christmas shopping.
Excited to be using the skills I gained in college.
Hard to be the caregiver for a parent.
Miss my sister.
Ready for snow.
Want to clean my house from top to bottom.
The outside is looking pretty good.
Got the bird feeders out and filled.
Time to start walking some more ...
Ok ... so now you know why my brain is so weary. Those are the things I typed in about 10 minutes, while watching tv, making lists of to do's, thinking about tomorrow's schedule, and wondering how I mop up my basement after this mess.
Ready to wake up in a clean house, filled with sparkly ornaments hanging from the tree, and laundry folded in the drawers.
Until soon,
vic
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