Year In Review

Two Thousand Twelve - 2012 - Last Year - A Year I Will Never Forget

 

I've pondered this post for a week or two. I've been avoiding blogging, not sure why, but I know that in writing I will come to the conclusion, that's usally what happens as I sit at the computer and put words on the screen. So let's do a quick year in review:

• January - Doug and I were honored to host the Diers family as we celebrated the engagement of our kids. Brandon and Blair got engaged on the 30th of December, we surprised Blair by having her parents and grandma here when they got home. We hosted our annual Christmas Card Party on New Year's Eve, playing Court Whist. It was a lovely weekend! My dad got his pacemaker on the 3rd of January. April left of Singapore on the 28th of January and my sister began a journey in Rochester.
• February was a pretty quiet month, lots of skyping with April in Singapore so she could see Lena. Lots of quilting for me, and dreams of the Ice Stand business for Doug.
• March - My uncle Si passed away and his funeral was on the day that Nolan turned 22 and my sister got her brain fixed :) Pretty much a quiet month.
• April - An exciting month for my boys. Brandon and Blair bought their first house and Doug and I got to go to Nebraska for another move. Joking this was the last move we'd have to do for them. They have a beautiful four bedroom home in Omaha. Doug delivered a gift to Brandon, the hardware for his picnic table, made by Doug's dad. The boys had a good time working on it, even if it wasn't in my agenda! :) April 28th, the family gathered in Indianola for an exciting celebration for Nolan, he graduated from Simpson College. We went out with friends on Friday night, enjoying a few cold ones, but mostly Doug and I enjoyed watching the interaction of our kids and their friends. Saturday was the big day ... again we partied and celebrated.
• May - Need I say more ... my friend, love, confidant, and sweetheart died. He left an empty spot in the hearts of so many, but most of all in the hearts of me and the kids. As I sit and look back it feels like a lifetime ago, I feel like I've been alone for far longer, and some days it feels like just last week. Doug died May 9th, his funeral was on the 12th, and we've all tried to find the new path in our journey to normal.
• June - My wonderful Aunt Betty passed away and we had her funeral on the 18th. The month was a blurr of activities. My dearest friend helped me to clean out some closets, sort and organize for when the kids come home to go through things; do some landscaping, and three women painted the garage, took down the gutters, cleaned them and rehung them! YEAH! I left for an almost two-week trip to see my kids. Mark and Joan were so kind to allow me to use the Edge as I delivered things to each of my kids. Our first celebration, a shower for Brandon and Blair in Nebraska, took place. My sweet kids were always at my side, I was never alone, and Doug was not far from my mind.
• July - Our first July Jubilee without Doug. We had 54 people for lunch on Saturday ... each of them noticing the one who was missing. We enjoyed an amazing quiet night with the Divan's, April, Emily and Chris, and other friends who dropped in and out of the yard. The gentlemen from SAE kept things lively and I celebrated by 51st birthday. I enjoyed some preaching in the Bethel/Trinity churches.
• August - I went to the Zobel Family Reunion ... it was good to see so many family members and have huge hugs from Uncle Floyd and Aunt Lois. Jeff, Denise, Michelle, Kevin, Stacy, Melissa ... the list goes on and on and on of those who missed Doug, and held our family close as we missed him too. I headed down to KC for an amazing weekend with Blair, Cindy, Jenny and celebrating in Bachelorette style! Oh goodness we had fun. The weekend of the 25th I headed for Omaha with my sister Deb for another shower for Blair. We enjoyed dinner in downtown Omaha, hmmmmmm wonder what our waiter was smoking? And the last weekend of August ... leading into Labor Day
• 
  September - I found my way to southern Iowa and the wedding reception for Gabe and Caitlyn. What a beautiful weekend, we relaxed, enjoyed the company of Amy, Nolan's lady :) and got to catch up with a ton of April's college friends. Hugs from Andrea was a highlight, as well as meeting Caitlyn's mom! We hosted a party weekend for Brandon and Blair the weekend of the 15th. A shower in the morning and a honeymoon shower in the evening with a bonfire. Blair's family, our family, and so many friends enjoyed time with the soon to be married couple.

 

• October - the big month we've all waited for. Brandon and Blair said their vows in a beautiful setting at the Lied Lodge in Nebraska City, NE. It's an amazing place if you need a getaway. I celebrated Doug's birthday, the 4th, at Brandon's with my two boys, enjoying a barbecue on the patio. Brandon and I traveled to Nebraska City for the big weekend ... we all felt Doug's absence obviously, but the Zobels and all of our friends did him proud by celebrating the wedding of my amazing and loving son and his beautiful bride. Brandon now proudly wears the wedding ring that Doug wore for almost 33 years. My hope is that B & B have as much happiness and love as Doug and I did, Brandon's dad would be so proud to see the glint of gold on his son's left hand. On the wedding day, each of the kids got a ring that had been Doug's, something for them to wear, to hold onto, a piece of their dad. Emotions ran deep, but as I said, we let the joy and celebration of the event shine!

• November - I spent a couple days in Iowa City quilting with some amazing friends, got home and had a quilt retreat two days later, and 6 days later left for 12 days in Omaha and Lincoln with my handsome sons. In the meantime I applied for a job in Lake Mills and on November 16th, the offer to be the new Executive Director of the LMCDC awas made to me. I stood outside a bar and cried ... so proud of myself for landing it and so sad that I couldn't tell Doug, he'd have been so proud of me. It stands out as one of the times I missed him the most. I'm not sure any of you know it or not, but he was truly my strongest supporter and always so proud of my accomplishments. We celebrated my oldest's birthday, he's now 32, with a great surprise party his wife put together. Thanksgiving weekend was awesome ... filled with good food, family, extended family, friends and those dang Huskers beating the Hawkeye's once again :(

• December - I started my new job, exciting but overwhelming, we had our first winter snowstorm, we helped dad enter the Care Center the Wednesday before Christmas, we celebrated Christmas, and we look forward to putting 2012 to rest.  Later this evening or maybe tomorrow I will take a look at my hopes and dreams for 2013. I hope you all had a most blessed Christmas and it is my prayer that you and yours have a fulfilling 2013. I know that my family is looking forward to all the good things God has in store for us in the coming year.

 

Happy New Year to you ... my dear family, friends and followers!

 

Until soon,

Vic

 

 



I did it!

I got through the first week of work at my new job ... and I didn't:

• Break anything
• Crash any computers
• Screw up anything beyond repair
• Quit
• Cry at work
• Pull ALL my hair out

I got through the first week of work at my new job ... and I can:

• Send email
• Write checks
• Sort of work with Quick Books
• Do a community calendar
• Help with Christmas Festival
• Answer the phone
• Sell movie certificates

This has been one heck of a week ... I thank each and everyone of you for your popping in and reading the wanderings of my lil brain. I felt the strength of your collective prayers ... and I so appreciate that power.

Here's the thing ... I'm not sure I can explain it, but I'll give it my best shot. I just want him to come home now. It's like I'm on a roller coaster and I keeping going round and round, revisiting where I've been. I told my sweet friend, Kar,i today that I just want him home, he can come home now. I miss Doug this week like never before in these 7 months. It will be 7 months on Sunday.

You see Doug would have quietly listened to me. He'd have pretended that I wasn't going on and on and on and on and on at all. He would have given quiet advice. He would have told me, "You can do this!" He would have told me to breathe. He would have just listened. He would have asked the minute I came home, "How'd it go?" Just like he used to ask the kids the minute they got home from a game, "What'd the coach say?" ... He would have cared.

I have that sick to my stomach feeling that I've had for quite some time. I just never quite feel great.  I know this too shall pass ... but sheeeeesh!

So ... I know there are amazing prayer warriors out their, a dear friend whose son was hurt, has been sending out requests for prayers. So prayer warriors, in this season of twinkle and shine, please would you send some prayers for peace in the hearts of me and mine. Give us the ability to find the joy of this holiday season, even in the midst of our loss.

Until soon,
vic

Tis the Season

It's been almost a month since I've been here. Not sure what to say. Perhaps just phrases ... perhaps it will make sense ... perhaps it will clear my mind, and the rest will follow.
Overwhelmed!
In a dark place ...
Tears streaming down my face.
Tired of feeling tired.
Sadness beyond measure some days.
Losing my daddy a little bit at a time.
Feeling strong.
Carrying my share of the load.
Blessed beyond measure with support and love.
Miss the laughter of my kids.
New job, great commute, exciting change, feeling like I'm in the ocean, sink or swim.
Meltdown as the sewer backed up tonight.
Three steps forward, two steps back.
Wish I was a drinking woman :)
Miss someone snoring on the sofa.
Miss how Doug would listen and quietly tell me what I didn't want to hear, but make me hear it.
Tears turn to racking sobs.
Sobs turn to begging God to let me have him back.
My tree is naked, not sure when it will sparkle.
The lights are up outside, but they just don't seem to have the same sparkle as last year.
Need some bows or something pretty outside
Piles of stuff everywhere ... are we worried I'll be a hoarder yet?
Time to pack away cards and plaques and things ...
Dark place, I can see a glimmer at the end of this cold tunnel.
Lonesome.
Miss the intimate touch of someone who adores me. Holding hands, putting cold feet between his calves.
Enjoying a little online Christmas shopping.
Excited to be using the skills I gained in college.
Hard to be the caregiver for a parent.
Miss my sister.
Ready for snow.
Want to clean my house from top to bottom.
The outside is looking pretty good.
Got the bird feeders out and filled.
Time to start walking some more ...

Ok ... so now you know why my brain is so weary. Those are the things I typed in about 10 minutes, while watching tv, making lists of to do's, thinking about tomorrow's schedule, and wondering how I mop up my basement after this mess.

Ready to wake up in a clean house, filled with sparkly ornaments hanging from the tree, and laundry folded in the drawers.

Until soon,
vic