It's Been A While

Today is the anniversary of Doug's and my marriage.

Last Thursday or Friday I got an email reminder of my anniversary and to send my "loved one" a card. Took me by surprise and made me so sad. Doug and I used to joke about our 60th wedding anniversary I'd be 78 and he'd be 83 still youngins! We talked about making it to 75 years, I'd be 93 and he'd be 98 ... not impossible.

Saturday I was cleaning a few more drawers, putting away some "desk" stuff, and I found my Zune ... and if I was not so technology challenged I'd download the picture .... but it was a picture of all of my family at my Dad's house ... from Christmas 2005, another from 2006, and it amazed me how much my life has changed in such a short time.

The picture above is from our family fishing trip from 7 years ago ... and we've all been through so many changes. The loss of Doug and Dad affected everyone, not just me. We all miss Doug's humor, his ability to fix everything, and the twinkle of his beautiful blue eyes. We miss my Dad, the kids grandpa ... and his stories about "when I was a kid ..." But there are many more changes ... some very good changes:

• Blair is missing from this photo ... she was with us on the vacation, and now she is truly my daughter and bares the Zobel name!
• I'm about 50 pounds lighter than in this photo ... grief started the weight loss journey, and determination has continued it.
• Lena and Callie, April and Brandon and Blair's dogs (respectively), are missing from this photo.
• Miss Emily is now sporting Miami summer wear instead of Texas sweatshirts ... she's pursuing her dream to be Dr. Emily Georgia, in a phd program down south in Miami.
• The boat that Dad and Doug are in has been sold to a family that will hopefully love it as much as we did.
• Most important ... most exciting change to me ... The next generation of Zobels is due November 20 ... Brandon and Blair are expecting a beautiful baby boy!

So just as I have tried hard to do the last year and almost 3 months ... there is times when sadness swoops in unannounced, tugs at my heart and brings a flood of tears. I can wallow there or I can embrace it, say hello old friend grief, then release it in the tears and move on. I truly try to focus on what I have and not what I don't have. I don't have Doug ... I miss him. But I do have a new baby on the way, my first Grandbaby. I have three amazing kids who love their momma. I have family that's always on had to help out. And I have awesome friends who always keep me hopping.

It's my anniversary today ... I shed a few tears ... bawled like a baby when I read my daughter's facebook post ... and I remembered my sweet Doug ... all in all it was a great day!

Until soon,
vic